I want the puppy, pleeeease let me have her!!!

There she was, the cutest little blonde puppy you could ever ask for.  She was *tiny* and soft, and adorable.  I wanted her.  I wanted her badly.  I begged and pleaded and  promised my undying commitment and care of this puppy.  Then left it alone, knowing it would never happen.  

Then it happened.  He arrived, with a baby blanket, swaddled around the most adorable tiny puppy in the world.  And she was MINE!!!  I could hardly stand it.  I was so happy.    

I worked hard, training her, and loving her.  I took her to puppy classes.  I took her to the vet.  She was going to be smaller, because she was the runt.  I was committed   This time would be different.  I was dedicated to making it different.  She grew, bigger than any of us expected...we joked it was because she was so loved.  

And then she bit R.  Sure, he had surprised her moving her food dish with his foot.  We passed it off.  Then she bit J, and then she bit S, and then she bit the neighbours kid.  The biting continued...and we muzzled her. I wept knowing my puppy was broken somehow, and we could not keep her.  I searched for someone, anyone to take her and to love her like I loved her.  No one could take her, no one wanted the liability of having a BIG biting dog...  The only thing we could do was have her euthanized   I was heartbroken.  The vet agreed, she was too dangerous, and retraining was unlikely to work.  I took her to the vet and stroked her face and kissed her and watched my beautiful puppy go to sleep...  

I was angry.  How could this have happened to my puppy?  How could this have happened, I loved her, I did everything right...hadn't I?

The thing I came to realize was that just because I want something...just because it makes me "happy" in the moment doesn't mean it was right for me.  My puppy made me happy in the moment...but ended up causing me more pain than I expected.  

The pursuit of happiness is not always the best pursuit.  All of us wish to be happy...but the things that bring us happiness are often times fleeting.  The dictionary definition of happiness is :

a : a state of well-being and contentment

b : a pleasurable or satisfying experience

Very temporary...fleeting.  We can be happy in a moment.  We can be experiencing something pleasurable, like snuggling a soft puppy. Happiness is fleeting.  Happiness is based on an experience, a moment.

I personally am not looking to be merely happy...I am looking for security.

 : the quality or state of being secure: as

a : freedom from danger : safety

b : freedom from fear or anxiety 

Not just a few experiences that cause me to feel good for a time.  I want joy, peace and complete satisfaction.  People do all sorts of things that are destructive and unhealthy in the name of happiness...  They go from one thing to the next looking for that feeling of pleasure.  well life is full of things that aren't "pleasurable" and if we keep running after them, we will be left wanting.  I personally need an anchor for my soul, knowing that even when the winds and rains rage against me I will be secure, no need to fear...  Securely hidden in the safety of the Lord, when I rest in security, I am happy, I am at peace, I am filled with joy, knowing nothing can touch me...

^{Hebrews 6:18} So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. ¹⁹ This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. 

Just some muddled thoughts from my mushy brain.

Jeannie~